The Perfect Excuse

            The Perfect Excuse

My teacher asks me why I am so late

In giving to her my homework;

And looking at her in a child’s sheepish way,

I hide an impulsive smirk.

So many excuses I’d readily use;

They all run—no dance—through my head.

But what should I say upon this dreadful day

That I have not already said.

My dog ate my homework?—too boring by far!

Though I suppose in some cases it’d do.

But it's too common and so over used

And quite unbelievable too.

No that’s not my style; I cannot say that.

There is a much better way.

Consumption of homework—a solid excuse;

But blame someone else like this: say,

“My mom is anemic—quite dreadfully so—

With high iron deficiency.

A symptom of this is to crave paper’s taste,

And my work caught her eye so you see.”

Now there is a story quite craftily told

That I’d be most willing to tell.

But wait! That won’t work, for the teacher’d suspect;

I used it last Tuesday as well!

Then what should I say in this present dilemma;

What now could I possibly use?

Hmm…here’s one I thought of that might do the trick—

If I tell it right I can’t lose:

“While saving my peers from a burning school bus,”

(An excellent starting phrase)

“I dropped my backpack, and thus all of my work

Was burned in the fierce, deadly blaze.”

But didn’t I use those exact words last month?!

What else could I possibly say?

Ah, now I have it! This should work well indeed,

So I can dismiss my dismay:

“I went to the zoo, but my work was not done,

So I took it along with me;

And a man-eating lion broke loose from its pen—

A disaster I thought it would be!

So I tackled the beast, with my backpack still on;

It roared and it struck hard at me.

But only my backpack—my work there inside—

Did it manage to tear in three.”

A perfect excuse, not having a flaw!

Yes, none can deny it is so.

All blame on the lion who can’t testify,

And of me it makes a hero!

I open my mouth with this answer in mind,

But she cuts me off before words I amass:

“I only am teasing you—don’t look so sad.

I didn’t assign any homework last class!”