Pondering on the Eve of a Shining New Year

I lie and I wonder
Of bridges and water under,
And I think of the year that has past.
December is gone.
Soon a new year will dawn
And remind us that time does not last.

So I think and I smile,
At least for a while,
Remembering all of the good I have done.
But as road leads to road in my mind I am lost
In all of the evil I stumble across,
And I wonder what I have become.

But then I remember,
On this last day of December,
That the story doesn't end with the fall.
My debts have been paid
When on Jesus they were laid,
And to worry won't help me at all.

I need think no longer
Of the days I have squandered,
For I've been blessed with a shining new year.
So I look and am glad
For the times I have had
And to see the sun's face on this first day appear.

Food Stalker

I think about you all the time.
Not a day goes by I don't need you.
When you are not home I look for you.
I study your pictures in the magazines.
Sometimes at night I lie awake wondering how you taste.
I love you and will always love you.


My ham sandwich has recently filed for a restraining order.

Chick-fil-A

Oh Chick-fil-A, what can I say?
You bring me joy 'most every day.
And when I eat I always know
There's no place else I'd rather go,

For what you serve is all I need
To fill me up. Indeed,
No other chicken will I eat
Than yours alone, so great a treat.

And as I close this grateful song
Of food for which I daily long,
I must declare when here I dine,
The pleasure truly all is mine.


One day, I'm gonna get paid to write stuff like this for restaurant chains.

I'd Like to Say a Few Words Before I Devour

Cookies really are the best.
James, you're really writing a poem about cookies? Oh yes!
Because they're worth it, oh they are so worth it.
They deserve our praise and admiration,
For they deliver such an incredible sensation.
I've been asked before if I'd like a cookie
As if that were even a question.
"Give me four!" is my emphatic response,
A command, mind you, not a suggestion.
Thomas Jefferson was clearly thinking about cookies
When he wrote about happiness in the Declaration.
For nothing brings happiness quite like a cookie
As every sane human agrees—

Wait just a second! Is this cinnamon raisin?! *Angry Face*
You mean I've been writing a love poem inspired by an imposture!
I may never love again.

Ancient Adage (That I Just Made Up)

The king who trusts a foolish man
May loose his kingdom and his wealth,
But he who puts his trust in none
Will drag the kingdom down himself.

What's Underneath?

There comes a time in every man's life
To make a decision that will define him
For the rest of his life.
A question so fundamental it will affect his very existence,
And cut deep into his heart like a knife.

It's a private decision;
Few others will know
What choice he makes on that day.
It will come as a question,
That time when every man must say:

Should I wear boxers or should I wear briefs?
Which will help my level of self-confidence increase?
Should I wear boxers or briefs?

But those aren't the only two choices you've got;
You have to choose a color...or if you want polka dots.
I kinda like compression shorts; I wear them all the time.
Or you could go commando if you feel so inclined.

Should I wear boxers or should I wear briefs?
Does one produce restriction and the other bring release?
Should I wear boxers or briefs?

Do I need a fly?
I never use one.
I tend to just pull down...
Sorry, TMI.

And what about PJs? A onesie? Naw.
I could, on the other hand, sleep all natural.

Should I wear boxers or should I wear briefs?
What drawers should I drop when I need some relief?
They say that what matters is what's underneath,
So should I wear boxers or briefs?

Daydream

In class I sit and find I’m bored,

So I try to think of the girl I adore—

Then you pop into my mind

And I’m confused.

Bedtime Prayer

Down I lay my head to sleep

And pray this day in memory keep,

That lessons learned would not be turned

To chafe and scattered in the wind

But kept in mind and there defend

'gainst other errors of their kind.

Down I lay my head to sleep

And pray this day in memory keep,

That blessings gotten not forgotten

Ever be and thankfulness abound 

In me wherever envy once was found—

Let this day live in memory.

Love-Induced Spontaneous Combustion

I think this could be used in a breakup song...


My hearts a ticking time bomb,
And it's ready to explode.
Each heartbeat brings me closer
To that violent episode.

Each thud is a reminder
Of the days I had with you,
But now my days are numbered
Since you left and lit the fuse.


...if you pardon the cheesiness. 

A White Pearl in a Sea of Blue

I saw today a marvelous thing

In the sky that is our ceiling.

In the early evening on this summer day,

While the sun still shown with its bright array,

In a sky, as blue as a mountain lake,

Appeared—as if for beauty’s sake—

A moon both full and luminous.

With its radiance it greeted us

And bathed the world, already bright,

With fresh rejuvenated light:

A luminescent mystery

Of Beauty and complexity.

With craters clear as mountains here,

So far away, it seemed so near.

But at the time I could not stop,

Forget my tasks, all worries drop;

No artist did I see to try

And paint the beauty of that sky;

But oh that this should be forgotten!

So paint I this with words here written.

The Gospel

Incredible! That God’s spirit should dwell in flesh,

That His son would come to dwell with us,

That from His throne and eternal home,

Christ came to give us righteousness.

Incredible! That as a man,

God experienced the world that we too see

And lived a life of bitter strife

And can relate to you and me.

Incredible! That the blind should see

That paralytics rose to walk,

The deaf were made to hear His voice,

The mute allowed to talk.

Incredible! That some refused

To accept the gift He offered them,

To trade man’s praise for God’s approval

And thus themselves condemned.

Incredible! That Christ should die,

That He who had the right to boast

Was humbled, willing to stand our hurls,

Though in charge of an angelic host.

Incredible! That on that tree,

Hanging far outside the gate,

The sin of you and me were His,

That He became the thing God hates.

Incredible! That, with His death,

The way to life was paved,

That death was slain upon that hill,

That through faith we are saved.

Incredible! That he rose again

To seize His throne in Heaven

And will return one glorious day

To bring His own to Heaven.

Don't Go

There is a moment in every TV show with a guy and a girl who have feelings for each other (and by that I mean every TV show) when one of them is having doubts. They have a conversation and the girl starts walking away. At that moment, my heart screams for the guy to break down and beg her not to leave. I dedicate this rap to that moment.

Can’t explain how I feel, not sure if it’s real

Or just a trick of the mind, making me blind

Is it time to rewind or just leave this behind

Go back to the start or is this where we part?

So I walk away, nothing left to say

But the feeling’s not right, something’s not ok

I can’t seem to win so I say to her

Turn around, my dear, I need to make this clear

I can’t be alone, I need you here

Please understand, I can’t stand on my own

Don’t go, you should know

I wrote this song to explain

I was wrong and how I came

To see how much I need you

She looks at me skeptically

Is this just a game? A con that I’m running

As I call out her name

She’s clearly unsure, but I’ve made up my mind

And somehow I find the words

Come back, my friend, this isn’t the end

There’s no problem I’ve made that we can’t mend

Please understand, I can’t stand on my own

Don’t go, you should know

That I’m crying inside at the thought of you gone

And my heart open wide and trampled on

Now that I know I need you

She starts to smile, that beautiful smile

That’s something I haven’t seen in a while

And I remember the first time she blew me away

With that smile I long for every day

And I realize she might be coming around

So one more time I compose a rhyme

And take a knee for this final plea

Come back to me, girl, can’t you see

My minds obsessed with you and me

I’m a broken man, don’t you understand?

Don’t go, don’t you know

You’re the reason I sing as I stand on this stage

Are you listening? I won’t turn the page

And go. I can’t move on without you

I can’t move at all without you

Perfect for Me

Dear God, Creator, Sovereign Lord,

I thank you for your gifts to me.

Of one gift now I’d like to write—

My precious family.

My dad’s a Godly, loving man,

Selfless and never vain.

He freely gives his time and energy

And seldom acts for personal gain.

My mother is precious, a wonderful mom,

Whom I have learned nearly everything from.

Her wisdom and guidance and friendship I've needed

And with her, many trials I have overcome.

Philip, the oldest of six,

Is the most considerate person I know—

Though I’m 12 years his junior I feel like his friend.

He was never too old for his bro.

Then there’s Callie, my friend,

Overflowing with love,

Hard working, inspiring, relatable, honest,

She falls down and gets up when push comes to shove.

Olivia, dear Olivia—

The most remarkable person I've met.

She’s a productive bundle of enthusiastic creativity.

Her rival I haven’t found yet.

For Peter, I have so much respect,

For the man he is and the things he has done,

For a stoic ability to put up with me,

For being a friend, role model, and paintball target all rolled into one.

This brings me to Aaron, the last of these gifts.

Being the youngest, his job isn’t easy,

But he does his best and works very hard.

His perseverance inspires me.

So, Lord, these gifts I bring to you

And thank you for each one.

This family loves and challenges me

And brings me joy and tons of fun.

Aaron insisted that I include a few lines about his muscles, so I wrote this bonus stanza for him:

A lump is forming on his arm.

His pecks are finally coming along.

His shoulders still could use some work.

His abs are actually somewhat strong.

Clearly Playing Favorites

My mother always compliments
My brother on his whistling skill
But never commends my shy attempts
To show how well I belch at will.

Pretty Awesome

Incredible isn't it—the satellite dish.
That we can watch upon a wish
Any variety of people and things
Fly before us on the glorious wings
Of today's technology.

Trustworthy Truths

All animals always act annoyingly allusive.
Sad solicitors supposedly sober simple slobs.
Amateur actors ardently allocate all and any actions.
Slimy salamanders sleep so soundly.
Alliteration always adds an awe-inspiring air.

Expires: Jan 24 09

Can blue cheese mold when it gets old?
Does it expire or ever retire
To the land of trash to be turned into ash?
Or does it last forever unending, this tasteful blue blending,
Of cheese and mold. What will unfold?
I do not know. Soooooo...
I guess I'll just take a bite and see what happens.


Join me next time when I investigate: "Sour Cream: Can It Go Sour?"

Thanks for the Confidence Boost, Google

Google just informed me that I have
No friends, no acquaintances, and no following.
It's like online I don't exist...
I've never felt so depressed.

Everything But The...

Neglected, betrayed—

It must feel so excluded—

The poor kitchen sink.

An Age-Old Question

If a man burps in a forest,
And there is no one around to hear it,
Does he still have the right to brag about it—
Supposing it was a really good one?